Your Brain Is Not Your Friend: How That Gremlin in Your Head Is Wrecking Your Life (And How to Slap It Into Shape)

Plot twist: That voice in your head whispering "you're not good enough"? It's not your inner wisdom. It’s a petty little troll with a superiority complex and a flair for drama. Time to drag it into the daylight and revoke its speaking privileges.

Mental Baggage: You’re Definitely Carrying Some

Let’s not pretend: most of us are walking around with the mindset of a jumpy medieval peasant. We treat every mistake like a public execution, every challenge like a death sentence, and every bit of feedback like someone just told us we smell weird in front of our crush.

Your mindset isn’t just “how you think.” It’s the uninvited houseguest in your brain who critiques everything you do while contributing nothing to rent or personal growth. And it’s been running the show for way too long.

Why Some People Grow and Others Just Stay Stuck (and Whiny)

Carol Dweck—who probably didn’t mean to ruin all our excuses, but here we are—identified two major mindsets: fixed and growth. One locks you in a prison of self-doubt. The other hands you a sledgehammer and says, “Go nuts.”

Fixed Mindset: The Self-Inflicted Life Sentence

Fixed mindset folks are emotionally allergic to effort and allergic to looking bad. They believe that if they’re not good at something immediately, they’re doomed forever. Their internal monologue sounds like a Pinterest board of fear:

• “If I fail, everyone will know I’m a fraud.”
• “If I try, I might look stupid.”
• “If they’re succeeding, I must be behind.”

This is not a personality trait. This is a defense mechanism in a cute little disguise.

Growth Mindset: For People Who Refuse to Stay Bad at Things

Then there are the people who treat life like a series of boss battles they’re willing to lose until they win. They believe you can get better at almost anything if you’re brave enough to suck at it first.

They know:

• Struggle means you’re learning
• Effort isn’t embarrassing—it’s how progress works
• Failure isn’t the end; it’s the blooper reel
• Other people’s success doesn’t shrink yours

Now, let’s illustrate this with a parable because nothing lands harder than a cautionary tale covered in flour and shame.

The Parable of the Cowardly Baker and the Burnt Croissant

Once upon a Tuesday in a town small enough to judge you silently at the supermarket, there lived a baker named Eliza. She baked decent bread, sold okay muffins, and avoided anything that might bruise her ego.

One day, a French tourist (the judgy kind) walked in and asked, “Do you make croissants?”

Eliza didn’t. She had tried once, years ago, and they came out looking like greased-up origami nightmares. She never tried again. So she smiled and said, “No, I stick to what I’m good at.”

But the question stuck in her head like a breadcrumb in a toaster. She wanted to try again. But the memory of that past humiliation was louder than her curiosity.

Then one night, maybe out of spite or boredom or both (the best motivators), she cracked. She gathered flour, butter, and blind optimism—and tried again.

She failed. Spectacularly. The first batch looked like slugs. The second batch looked like angrier slugs. The third batch caught fire.

But by batch ten? Not bad.

By batch fifteen? Good.

By batch twenty? People were lining up outside her shop saying, “Are these the famous croissants?”

Moral of the story: you don’t become legendary by avoiding embarrassment. You become legendary by burning a few croissants and learning what not to do.

So go fail at something. Loudly. Often. You might be one disaster away from greatness.

Your Fixed Mindset Is Sabotaging You (and It’s Not Even Subtle)

If you’ve ever said, “I’m just not that kind of person,” congratulations: you’ve built your own cage and decorated it with excuses. You’ve decided you “can’t” instead of “haven’t yet.”

And while you’re clinging to your ego like it’s a life preserver, someone else is out there bombing their way through karaoke, botching their first 10 business ideas, and accidentally becoming amazing at something.

Here’s the thing: talent is overrated. Persistence is not.

Your Brain Is a Drama Queen

Your brain’s job is to keep you alive, not help you thrive. It’s still wired for saber-toothed tigers and social exile. It interprets “trying something new” as “certain death.”

But your brain is also lazy. If you tell it something often enough—like “I’m someone who can figure sh*t out”—it’ll eventually believe you. That’s not magic. That’s repetition. (Which is basically magic, but with receipts.)

How to Wrestle Back Control from Your Inner Saboteur

1. Rewrite the Script

Your internal dialogue is probably more toxic than a group chat after midnight. Fix it.

Old: “I suck at this.”

New: “I’m still working on it.”

Old: “This is impossible.”

New: “It’s hard. But hard isn’t impossible.”

Old: “I always mess things up.”

New: “I’ve messed up before and survived. I’ll survive again.”

2. "Yet" Is a Tiny Word That Changes Everything

Add "yet" to the end of your excuses and watch them lose power.

• “I’m not good at this... yet.”
• “I don’t understand it... yet.”
• “I can’t do a handstand without falling into furniture... yet.”

It’s like duct tape for your self-doubt.

3. Stop Worshipping Natural Talent

The people you think are “naturals” just started earlier, failed in private, and didn’t let it stop them. You’re not behind. You’re just not done.

Praise effort. Praise the hot mess. Praise the fact that you’re still showing up.

4. Feedback = Free Intel

Your fixed mindset wants to cry over criticism. Your growth mindset says, “Cool. A data point.”

Even garbage feedback tells you something—if only that the person giving it is an idiot. Still useful.

5. Jealousy Is a Clue, Not a Curse

If someone else’s success makes you feel small, ask why. Maybe they’re doing something you want to do but are too scared to try.

Use that jealousy as a map. Follow it. Steal their strategies. (Legally.)

Relationships Aren’t Exempt, Sorry

Your fixed mindset is probably screwing up your love life too.

Classic hits include:

• “If we’re meant to be, this should be easy.”
• “They should accept me exactly as I am.” (While you refuse to grow.)
• “People don’t change.” (Convenient, huh?)

Meanwhile, relationships that last are built on:

• Effort
• Awkward conversations
• The mutual agreement to keep trying even when it’s messy

Perfectionism: Fear in a Fancy Dress

Perfectionists don’t create perfect things. They create nothing. Because they’re afraid of being seen in progress.

Growth mindset people? They create ugly drafts, clumsy first tries, and then—eventually—really good stuff.

They know that “perfect” is the enemy of “done.”

Your New Nighttime Routine: Less Scrolling, More Self-Respect

Before you pass out, ask:

• What did I try today that made me uncomfortable?
• What did I learn the hard way?
• What mistake am I secretly proud of?

Track it. Own it. Grow from it.

Mantras That Don’t Belong on a Throw Pillow

• “Progress over pride.”
• “I’d rather be cringey than stagnant.”
• “Every expert was a disaster at first.”

Comfort Zones Are Where Potential Goes to Die

If it feels cozy, it’s probably not growth. If it feels terrifying, embarrassing, or mildly nauseating? You might be onto something.

Your brain will scream “NOPE.” Do it anyway. That’s when the rewiring happens.

Mindset Is Contagious (So Don’t Be the Emotional Plague)

The way you handle setbacks, failure, and feedback doesn’t just affect you—it infects everyone around you.

Be the person who tries, fails, and laughs anyway. Be the one who shows others it’s okay to be a work-in-progress.

Be the example, not the warning.

Final Plot Twist: You’re Not Doomed

You are not stuck. You are not broken. You are not too late, too old, too awkward, or too far gone.

You are one decision away from thinking differently. From doing something hard. From being a person who doesn’t quit just because it’s uncomfortable.

Fire your inner critic. Promote your scrappy, relentless, slightly chaotic alter-ego who believes things can get better.

And go burn a few metaphorical croissants.

That’s how greatness smells when it’s just getting started.

🔥 Got a failure story that left a mark (and maybe a scar)? Drop it like it’s hot. Brag about your mess-ups. Share your cringe. Because if you’re not failing, you’re not stretching. And if you’re not stretching, what are you even doing—just surviving?

Do better. Start badly. Repeat.